11:28 am
than they used to, looking out from my childhood bedroom window. (Yes, I stay in the room I slept in from the years 5 to 14 when I come home!)
I grew up on a dairy farm in [Corn Belt state], and I’m staying here for a few days. It’s been over 3 years since I’ve been “home home,” so this feels…good. Necessary. Time.
And, we’re making our way through the “so, you quit drinking” conversations, which tend to get even more awkward still because, well, let’s just say my dad is not the least awkward person in the world or the most expressive. BUT, that’s for another post, and I only have a few minutes before I have to do some work and then head out to see my grandma.
Last night, I got a very nasty Facebook mail from my brother’s girlfriend, I think EVEN TOPPING the level of nasty that I threw her way during my drunken blackout on New Year’s Eve. The fact that she has mental problems is one thing (ironic, isn’t it, that someone would get drunk and call me a “stupid worthless cunt who no man will ever love” and tell me to “die” when what she’s pissed about, supposedly, is me getting drunk and calling her the same kind of names = crazybird). It’s an entirely other thing that my brother made excuses for her, didn’t even apologize, and barely gave me a heads-up to look out for a message from her on FB yesterday when we talked on the phone. Yep, sobriety is a journey, and I don’t hold grudges, BUT…I can say — at least at the moment — that I don’t want her or HIM in my life anymore. At all. And maybe it took this drama and getting sober to realize how spineless and well, pathetic they both seem to have become. (And, it’s not that I’m saying that without having thought loads about it; I think I’ve finally decided that some people are worth it, and some aren’t. And, that includes biological family.)
(Also, I drank non-alcoholic wine the other night, and really didn’t like it. I felt the slightest hint of a buzz, but then I thought it might have been psychosomatic. In any case, I can say, going on day 6 again, I don’t really feel like being buzzed. I didn’t like the feeling the other night, of possibly being buzzed, and I hope that is significant and lasts.)
Wow. I will post a pic or two of the fall colors here. Gorgeous! I know I wasn’t born here, but I am OF here. Heart.
Drunky Drunk Girl 
Alright you made it to Wisconsin! Day 6 … Love it! Have fun with your Grandma. xox Lisa
Thanks, Lisa! Yes, so beautiful here. I forgot about fall living in the Bay Area for so long… YES. DAY 6! I feel stronger than EVER, esp. considering I fell off the wagon so many times in the past several weeks. I don’t know, it just feels good to be sober. xx
Okay so let’s both not drink today 🙂
You can’t choose them, but that doesn’t mean you are obligated to put up with them your whole life. Family that is. It get similar vitriol from my father. After many, many years I’ve learned to expect nothing from him, and I don’t go giving anything either. I’m not angry anymore about it, just accepting that that is how it is. I don’t do Facebook (I’m one of the three people on the planet who do not subscribe) and when I hear of the spats and bullying that goes on… Im convinced I don’t like enough people enough to make the effort.
Well done on your almost a week!
haha. yeah, FB is a necessary evil, or maybe just evil. sigh…thanks for your support! i think i might just have to cross them both of my list, at least for now. there are too many awesome people to connect with, befriend, care about, and help! thanks for the encouragement…almost a week. i’m so tired of starting the count over, i’m not caving this time. for some reason — maybe cuz there is soo much going on that hurts and feels uncomfortable — i just don’t want to drink. xx