1:50 pm
it’s a miracle? The fact that I’ve only drunk about nine or 10 times since June 13th can’t be explained otherwise, can it? Maybe I’d just had enough.
Well, I’m working. Yay! A goal made real. I have two ongoing writing gigs and a possible third coming up on Thursday, all through “word of mouth” (or, friends of friends, coworkers of coworkers). Imagine what I could do if I actually put the work into pitching, reporting, and writing? All in due time. I beat myself up a lot, nothing is ever good enough. I want wine now, to deal with that feeling, but I know I don’t, can’t, and refuse anyway, so there. Fuck off, wolf!
My boyfriend is going to take me to my first (well, second) AA meeting (on the island) tonight, at a church downtown. It’s a woman’s meeting. Yes, I’m feeling a bit…uncomfortable, but I can do it. I mean, if I can get through:
moving out of [cold west coast city] and leaving a/my “life” behind (though, I still have my storage unit in [cold east coast city], so if all else fails, I could always move into that ;));
spending a week with first, my mom, then, my dad;
receiving and replying to nasty hate-mail from my brother’s gf (and the whole situation coming to a head…);
settling into a new life living with someone (gulp);
I CAN DEFINITELY HANDLE INTRODUCING MYSELF AS A DRUNK WHO WANTS TO NOT BE ONE.
Anyway, will check back in later, friends!
(Once again, this morning, I realized how awesome it is to have this community. And, it never would have happened if I hadn’t made the initiative to get sober. Where it came from, I still don’t know. The closest approximation I can make is, I had had enough.)
Drunky Drunk Girl 
Awesome! Good luck tonight. The scariest part for me was just walking through the door. Once I sat my ass in that seat, the rest just sort of took care of itself. Very excited for you. AA has changed my life. You are doing an amazing job not drinking on your own, but I’m tellin’ ya, I did 40 days or somethin on my own, but I was M-I-S-E-R-A-B-L-E until AA. Hang in there, and keep us posted!
Hi! Great to hear from you… So glad AA is working for you. I think, once I get a set schedule, I will go to a meeting every day. I went two days in a row, and while it was hard to speak (at the first) and then introduce myself (at both first and second), I was SO glad I did. I think getting sober down here, in the island, will be a good place to do it. Lots of really friendly people, a small community (where people know and see you, so you can’t really get away with anything!), and a relaxed, noncompetitive environment. How is AA helping, you, I’m curious to know? xx
Wow, what a post. I started my journey at a 12-step meeting( after a three day detox). I love the principles of that organization. Empowering and encouraging, those are the two words I would use to describe your writing today. Congrats on the writing gigs. I don’t see myself as an alcoholic woman anymore. And I definitely see myself as recovered. Yep, I’m a woman that wants to be sober and have an awesome life. xox Lisa
Thanks, Lisa! It’s taking me a while, mainly cuz it’s really hard for me (alcoholic talking, I see that now) to accept that I need help…and then take it. I’m interested in the way you see yourself — to not see yourself as an alcoholic, that’s hard for me to even imagine for myself. I look forward to getting there someday! xx
Yea for you!!! I’ll be keeping you in my prayers 🙂 You can do this!
Thanks!! Yes, we can! 😉