Counting in weeks now…One down, infinity to go!

10:20 am

I’m one week sober as of yesterday! I’m counting in weeks now.

I went to another meeting the day before yesterday (my second), and I’m glad I did. I don’t know, I just felt…recharged. Renewed. I guess that’s what AA is supposed to do, right? It was nice to meet new people, though, and I’m sure that contributed to the feeling of “doing something” that seemed to negate the feeling of “sure would love to down some wine.”

Sure, I still want to drink every second of every day — and that seemed to surprise someone at the meeting, which equally pissed me off and made me almost laugh out loud — AA doesn’t take that away. In fact, I want to drink MORE after having gone to a meeting, at least based on my little experience with meetings. It’s like that with therapy, too: the second I open the flood gates and either start talking about it to myself or another person, I really wouldn’t mind a cocktail (or, glass or two or three or four of red). The same woman was astounded by this revelation on my part. Meh.

Writing about it, on the other hand, takes away the obsession and/or desire.

So, yes. On Day 8. Or, Week 2. 😉

(I have a bunch of work to do today, and so, I think I’m going to keep on keeping myself ULTRA-busy. That’s what helped me the last time, and I think it’s what’s going to help me this time…through the restlessness, the irritation, the ruminating on my brother and his bitch-from-hell girlfriend/crazy person, my dad’s ridiculous idea of a “relationship” with his own flesh and blood daughter, etc. On a happy note, the island is wonderful! Third time and I feel like it’s home. And, it was SO NICE to meet new people, on my own, instead of through others. I know it takes time to meet peeps that you mesh with, especially after having moved to a new place; and it takes work. For some reason, I don’t want to drink, I’m starting to feel social again, and I want to meet new people, try new things, and in general, get it goin’ ON again! Could it be this sobriety thing? OH! I also actually sort of want to start reading the Big Book. I know, I know, ridiculous, right? It feels like a class, an assignment; I’m good at classes and assignments. But also…I’m curious. AND, I’m so ready to stop drinking, to not want to drink, to absolutely rid myself of the obsession (the voice inside my head and heart that says, A glass of wine would be so good right now, when in reality, it would so NOT be good, would make me feel like ass, and would pack on unwanted calories, all of which would lead to me feeling defeated and guilty). And, based on the near-zero desire to drink this week (probably the least since I quit on June 13th, actually)…maybe the Big Book and the talking DOES help? Hmm…)

Tags: 12 steps, AA, alcoholic, Alcoholics Anonymous, alcoholism, binge drinking, cravings, drinking, sobriety, wine, women