Home *from* the holidays: tired, but still sober!

11:57 am

My boyfriend and I spent three nights in Puerto Rico for Thanksgiving, which is why I’ve been offline for the past few days.

It was a packed, fun-filled trip, which included a visit to the Arecibo Observatory; a tour of the Rio Camuy Cave Park (underground limestone cave system); a night in Ponce; a visit to the Ponce Museum of Art, which, to my gleeful surprise, is the home of one of my favorite paintings, Flaming June; and a puertorican-style turkey dinner at a hotel on the Ponce town square. Among other awesome, vacation-y things. 😉

All in all, a great time. And, no drinky drink!

I have to admit, I did have a few mood swings; I’m not sure if it’s the 6 weeks sober affecting me, or if I really did want to drink and was just having mental tantrums, but man. All of the sudden, a negative thought would hit me, it would roll into a ball of thoughts, and before I knew it, I was a grump! Then, it would pass. At one point, I got Way Too Hungry and nearly had a meltdown, like a child. I used to always be able to manage my hunger (to a ridiculous extent, actually — I could go all day, hiking around a foreign city, without food), so this was weird.

I also really, really, really wanted to drink while we were eating our TG dinner at the hotel (Holidays = wine, right?) and then again while watching Flight, the new Denzel Washington flick, at a local cinema. Oh, well, is all I can think of to say. It comes, it goes. It’s not easy. There is no magic bullet “protecting” me against my urge to drink, and all the temporary emotions that come with it. However, the key word here is *temporary.* (Btw, I found it more than a tad offensive how proselytizing the film was re: drinking and AA. JESUS, we get it. Bad shit happens to drunks and addicts. I don’t know, maybe it pissed me off more than I’d like to admit to see everyone and their uncle “beat up” on Denzel’s character; I mean, YES, he made egregious mistakes, but the film made it obvious that alcoholism is a disease, and not a choice, so what the hell?).

Instead of a 30-minute flight back, it turned into over two hours flight time: our plane couldn’t land due to weather and wind (Ugh! Talk about channeling the movie!), so we had to fly back to San Juan after circling over [beautiful island] for about 20 minutes — in a lot of turb — and then deplane, and then re-board and fly back to [beautiful island]!

I’m here now, and feeling more tired than I think I should! Like, I just want to retreat, re-collect myself, and avoid AA and people and anything (holidays, films like Flight) that tempt me into thinking, Oh, come on, Just One Glass wouldn’t hurt…

Though, on the very bright side: on Thanksgiving morning I woke up at 9, worked out in the hotel’s gym by 10, took a dip in the pool and then the hot tub, had my coffee, packed, and got on the road to Ponce all by 1! I ONLY could have done that because I was/am sober — and it felt amazing beyond words. Really. Despite the moodiness and fleeting desire to imbibe, waking up sober and knowing that there is nothing that is worth drinking over is wonderful. It sets a long road ahead, rather than cutting it off at the corner in a dusty cul-de-sac.

Tags: alcoholic, alcoholism, Arecibo Observatory, binge drinking, caves, drinking, Flight, holidays, mood swings, Ponce, Ponce Museum of Art, Rio Camuy, sobriety, Thanksgiving, travel, wine, women