I’m the Grand Marshall

5 Jun

1:31 am

I just wanted to check in and say howdy. I just spent about five days in New York, and I’m still sober. And, I’m damn proud of it. Who’s directing traffic? I am. Who’s on the master float in this sober parade? C’est moi! I’m the fucking Grand Marshall, people!

While I’m surely relieved that I didn’t cave, I’m mostly surprised at my utter lack of pangs and/or desire to drink. Even while out, dancing my ass off and observing everyone else getting drunk, or drunker. Then again, I think I’ve got it a bit easier than some: around every turn, there was a reminder of some truly soul-sucking, horrifying incident that happened or that I made happen. It was easy to see the disaster waiting in the wings if I took that first drink. And so, I didn’t take that first drink. (My friends know what a drunk I was, and they were supportive, so that really helped as well.)

Anyway, I’ve got lots to share, but I just wanted to say that all is well in my little sober world. 90 days coming up on June 16th!

9 Responses to “I’m the Grand Marshall”

  1. Lilly June 5, 2013 at 6:24 am #

    Wow and well howdy there Grand Marshall DDG. I salute you. I am damn, damn proud. Also glad to see you posting as I was missing you and wondering what’s up.

    90 days?! Wow, that whooshed by fast. Not to you, perhaps, but from over here that seems like a blink of an eye when my 30 have crawled by. Tell me it speeds up in time?

    You have to remember, too, that your (almost) 6 months counts, particularly as your relapse was so brief – more of a slip really. You’ve got a lot of sober muscle built up there lady.

    I think of that slip of yours sometimes, I do. It was a good cautionary tale about how after a good period sober giving in to those Wolfie voices won’t do much but make us miserable again.

    I am slowly ticking up the days and feeling pretty strong but still kind of amazed it’s *only* 30. It occurred to me, while writing a post about my 30 days, that if you added up all my sober spell I’ve probalby had at least 6 months sober over the last two years. But there’s definitely something in the continuous sober time.

    Anyway, well done Glittery Grand Marshall of Old Ye Unicorn Parade

    xx

    • Drunky Drunk Girl June 5, 2013 at 2:44 pm #

      Hey, girl, glad to hear from you! YES, it does start to zoom by. Things change, they really, honestly do. Just hang in there, and keep pushing your head up, it will eventually reach sober light (this is a seed sprouting metaphor, in case it sounds weird!). Just keep not drinking, even when you really want to, when it really hurts, when you feel like your head is exploding, when you want to cry b/c you feel so damn awkward and frustrated and angry and tantrum-y…it goes away, it really does. And then you’re left with your old, sensible self, the one that used to say, Nah, probably not a good idea for me to drink the night before a big interview; or Nah, probably not a good idea for me to start drinking at midnight the night before my first day of work; or Nah, probably not a good idea for me to drink…EVER. Oh, well! FUCK YOU, WOLFIE. (we love Belle)

      I do think my slip was just that, but my thought process went strikingly fast back to, well, early days. I mean, this time I feel very strong in my desire to just not drink (b/c drinking will not work or solve my feelings and problems). I think it’s because I have that sober muscle. But, I still had to work really mofo hard at NOT tricking myself into thinking, Oh, I can drink, I drank that once already, why not, I’m already off the wagon. Getting back on that horse, getting that serious resolve back was…hard, I’m not going to lie.

      Do I still want that buzz? Of course! Is it a good idea for me to drink to get it? No. Can I get it through other things? I have to believe I can.

      So, yes, it does go fast (I’m a bit scared out how fast 3 months has slipped away!), and you start to think of it in longer chunks. I can go a week, no worries. I can go a month, no problem. And then…this is starting to happen to me now…you start to think of it on a daily basis again, like, I can’t drink today, and that’s that. Tomorrow is a long way off. And, then tomorrow comes, and there’s a good reason that you really can’t drink today, but maybe tomorrow.

      Yes, it gets easier, and different, and that’s a huge relief and a huge burden lifted. And, I have to say, I do agree with others in that you have to stop getting off and on the wagon to really feel the flex of your sober muscle, to really see things changing. Just getting past that initial giving-up period…

      Thanks for your comment! And yes, this Grand Marshall has requested ALL unicorns pulling the floats! And glitter galore! 😉

  2. Moonbeam Soberrella June 5, 2013 at 11:34 am #

    Yes YOU ARE! The Grand Marshal Indeedy! And I can see your batons are on fire as you toss them up into the air. Good for you DDG. You are the bomb! 90 days is huge I’ll mark my calendar to be one of the first to CONGRATULATE YOU!

    Moonbeam

    • Drunky Drunk Girl June 5, 2013 at 2:30 pm #

      Thanks for stopping by, Moonbeam! I saw you commenting at Belle’s blog, and congrats on your sober days! This is actually my second pass at 90–the first time was in January. This time feels SO much easier in that I’m on solid, almost-happy-to-be-sober ground. Honk honk, bitches, sober parade COMIN’ through. 😉

  3. losedabooze June 5, 2013 at 12:07 pm #

    Way to go girl!!!

  4. Sibyl June 5, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

    Yay DDG! You are inspiring (and funny).

  5. WordsFallFromMyEyes June 9, 2013 at 8:48 am #

    Who’s directing traffic? I am … love your humour 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Dogmatic Panic

just a dude writing about being a dude

Violet Tempest

Author of Gothic Horror & Romance

Walking in Sober Boots

Footfalls on a Path of Recovery

Sober Mormon

Navigating life after Mormonism and addiction recovery. (It's a trip.)

Ditching the Wine

Getting myself sober; the ups and downs

The Sober Experiment

Start your journey of self discovery

Devon Maid

Devon Maid is a story about my ongoing wellbeing journey and life in a rural playground

Sober and Well

Live your best life free from alcohol

The Phoenix Files

The Outspoken Opinions of S.M. Phoenix

cuprunnethover

Filling my Cup with what Matters

Lauren Steinheimer

freelance writer. trail runner. relentless savage.

winesoakedramblings - the blog of Vickie van Dyke

because the drunken pen writes the sober heart ...

I love my new life!

Changing my life to be the best me. My midlife journey into sobriety, passions and simple living/downshifting.

Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50

Navigating the second half of my life

Sunbeam Sobriety

Just a normal lass from Yorkshire and her journey into happy sobriety

runningfromwine

Welcome to my journey to end my addiction to wine!

Without the whine

Exploring the heart of what matters most

New Beginnings

My Journey to Staying Sober.

Sober Yogi

My journey to wholeness

When Women Inspire

Inspiring women in business, health, and lifestyle

The Sobriety Tree

Putting in roots; mixing metaphors at the leaf level

'Nomorebeer'

A sobriety blog started in 2019

A Spiritual Evolution

Alcoholism recovery in light of a Near Death Experience

No Wine I'm Fine

An alcoholfree journey in New Zealand with a twist

Untipsyteacher

I am a retired teacher who quit drinking and found happiness! After going deaf, I now have two cochlear implants!

Life Beyond Booze

The joys, benefits and challenges of living sober and alcohol free

Functioningguzzler

In reality I was barely functioning at all - life begins with sobriety.

Mental Health @ Home

Building mental wellness on a foundation of strength

Faded Jeans Living

By Dwight Hyde

Moderately Sober

Finding my contented self the sober way

Sober Courage

from liquid courage to sober courage

Musings Of A Crazy Cat Lady

The personal and professional ramblings of a supposedly middle aged crazy cat lady

Life in the Hot Lane

The Bumpy Road of Life as a Woman 45+

Wake up!

Operation Get A Life

doctorgettingsober

A psychiatrist blogging about her own demons and trying to deal with them sober

Storm in a Wine Glass

I used to drink and now I don't

Off-Dry

I got sober. Life got big.

Laura Parrott Perry

We've all got a story to tell.

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

Lose 'da Booze

MY Journey towards Losing 'da Booze Voice within and regaining self-control

Laurie Works

MA., NCC, RYT, Somatic Witch

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

The Soberist Blog

a life in progress ... sans alcohol

soberjessie

Getting sober to be a better mother, wife, and friend

mentalrollercoaster

the musings and reflections of one person's mental amusement park

TRUDGING THROUGH THE FIRE

-Postcards from The Cauldron

%d bloggers like this: