You stop complaining

21 Aug

9:35 am

Last night, I went out. That in and of itself is a big deal. LOL. (Not really, I’m just kidding: I do go out, but it’s actually quite rare that I take time off from work at night–I just work through–to prioritize what I used to, which is socializing for “no good reason” other than it’s well, good for me.)

So, anyway, I was there, talking to drunk people–some more drunk than others–and one or two or three people really struck me as complainers. And I totally get it. I mean, on a deeper level, and maybe one that they don’t get…YET. Because they have not put in the “sober work.” I don’t mean to sound high-horse-y, but it strikes me as true that when you get sober, you stop finding excuses and you stop complaining. There are no problems, only solutions (Bob Marley, in all his “simplistic” lyricism, knew what was up.)

The fact is, complaining is pointless and takes energy. I mean, I used to complain a lot when I got drunk. I used to blow things out of proportion, care about shit that was no business of mine, and put effort into everything BUT what I should be putting effort into: me, and solving my so-called problems.

Last night, someone was drunkenly bitching about some random stranger having a 9-month-old out to dinner at 9 pm. I get it, it’s lame, but…what are you going to do? I was like, Why on EARTH would you care, let alone get riled up, about something you cannot change? Then I remembered, I used to do that all the time when I was drinking–and, when I wasn’t drinking, in the back of my mind.

It just becomes pointless–useless–to complain. IF there is an actual problem, why not solve it? IF you’re insulted by the situation, change it. Or, change your attitude toward it. The goal for me, I guess, has become to make things as simple as possible, at all times. To not care about things that I cannot change. To change what I can, and leave the rest. And, to see someone struggling with problems that are not his–and doing so in an emotional, confusing way, which is what happens when you get drunk–it struck me as tiring. Exhausting. A waste of time!

I cannot tell you how glad I am to be sober right now–not just not drinking, that is an afterthought. I cannot even really express how being sober has forced me to change this problem-seeking mindset/lifestyle I was living–into a solution-seeking one. There are so many big deals (the brother’s crazy girlfriend, ahem) and little things that went into it, but a little over two years later, I am glad to say, I don’t give a shit about what’s not mine (well, I try). And this is grand. Because this allows me to see clearly what I can and should and need to care about, and how I can actually change it. Or not. Either way, it doesn’t carry over into my Hemlock Grove-watching time, or my writing time, or my thinking time, or my pie-making time.

Obviously, there are people who have a complaining problem with our without booze, and there are MANY well-adjusted, empathetic folks out there who do not! I was just noticing the former group at last night’s shenanigans.

Well, hope all are well. Sobriety is HARD work, no external solutions allowed! But, it is so worth it when you can finally sit back and say, Wow, this happened. I think I’ll keep being sober.

6 Responses to “You stop complaining”

  1. momma bee August 21, 2014 at 10:13 am #

    I freaking LOVED this post~ so so true! I totally agree about the complaining part~ my BF still drinks and I want to send him your blog post~ it drives me nuts. I hear myself now saying, LET IT GO! the complaining about things not yours or things you think are yours but not necessarily is insane and if your drinking, you don’t see it like we do~ ever! So I am glad I am not the only one not trying to sound high horsey~ but its true most times ! Glad you got out for the evening if only to remind yourself sober is better! 🙂 xoxo

  2. Hobbylager August 21, 2014 at 10:26 am #

    Oh man.
    I am a complainer. Ironically, this post hit close to home and couldn’t have been written (and read by me) at a more appropriate time. Yesterday I had a total emotional breakdown at work and went into a self-pity spiral. I’ve complained so much of my life, that now when things are really rough and there is plenty to be negative about, that no one can take it seriously. Like the girl who cried wolf. But I will say that now it’s just a waiting game. Struggling working an under the table gas station job with a boss from another country who doesn’t respect women and being treated like a dog is honestly temporary while I save up some money, get my license back and get back to the real world (ha, this sounds so disorganized, but I was trying to give some context without dumping emotional baggage all over your page).

    I have a plan and I am actually doing everything within my power to solve the problem. But an entire life overhaul isn’t going to happen over night and I just have to push through and remind myself of good.

    I will say that if I decided not include getting sober in this overhaul, things would be a lot messier and unfulfilled. I would have never pulled the trigger on creating, while admittedly in its extreme infancy, my own brand and sharing the struggle with the world. I also think I wouldn’t have done it in such a way that could foster the positive thinking. I started Hobbylager for people like me to remind us that there are still so many things in this world that can bring simple joy, even if it’s just laughing at yourself.

    I thank you for this.
    also, now that I am thinking more clearly, I will be the first to admit that I was epitome of a gossip terrorist when I was drinking. It’s actually cringe inducing.

  3. Mrs D August 21, 2014 at 11:20 pm #

    I love going to share on twitter… You wonderous sober person exploring life deeply xxx

  4. Tar Heel August 28, 2014 at 10:10 am #

    Yes, indeed! I can’t stand complaining. When I catch myself doing it, I laugh and turn it around to try finding a solution. I really loved what you said about keeping things as simple as possible. I have a habit of making things complex and not even realizing it. I’m gonna take your advice on that. Thanks for sharing.

  5. adrienne September 3, 2014 at 6:35 pm #

    I feel the same way when I watch the real housewives. which i love. but seriously. you stop hating each other for stupid reasons that you shouldn’t be offended by or angry about. I’ve just started my journey and I’m glad to hear from so many in the community that it’s worth it.


  1. Where Are All the Happy Sober Women? | changingcoursenow - August 21, 2014

    […] I was reading Drunky Drunk’s post this morning about complainers and it reminded me of the women’s only AA meeting I […]

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