1:58 pm
Lately, I’ve been sort of offline; I just haven’t had the time or ability to wrestle with my thoughts too much these past few days…
A quick life update is that, no, I didn’t get the job I applied for–after a long series of interviews (gah!)–but, that’s OK since there are other jobs out there. I’ve been on the hunt in one way or another since mid-June, and um, I am at the point where I feel like it’s OK (slash, necessary for my mental health) to sit back and let it be for a while. Let it percolate. Enjoy the fact that I was fortunate enough to collect a bit of unemployment, remember that this is just a phase and the economy will rebound, and put some faith in my network. I have worked with a lot of great people over the years, many of whom are still looking out for me, I have no doubt.
Anyway, I’ve got some time to re-focus on this blog and my “e-book project,” which is simply, to compile my posts and self-publish a version of this blog. It’s something I’ve been wanting to do for a while, and it’s a way for me to sort of close one chapter, as it were. A lot of what I post these days–and will continue to post–isn’t really related to getting sober, and I want to re-read some of my past posts in order to get more of a grip on who I was then and who I am now. It’s a process–and there are probably a LOT more “important” things I could be doing right now and/or thinking about–so I will keep you posted!
What else has been going on? Well, as I think you all remember, I have posted about my parents’ mental health a few times. And, I remain committed to not writing that much about it and them on this blog since it’s not my mental health I’m talking about. However, not writing about it does not mean I don’t think about it a lot–especially as I watch my father devolve, as it were, into what seems to be a worsening mental health “situation.” I mean, if I knew nothing about his past and his personality, and was confronted with only his behavior today–I’d probably avoid him, and then I’d forget about it.
I know from my own experience with alcoholism that MOST people don’t want to know (or admit that they know) about your mental health disorder, or they oversimplify it because they can’t (and don’t want to) delve deep. I like to wonder, I like to ask questions, I like to look for patterns; MANY folks do not.
That being said, I just don’t know what to do about or for my dad–and, if I should do anything? He’s a grown man–in his 70s–yet…from what I can tell, he’s just getting worse. I have to assume that untreated mental health disorders only get worse as you get older. I fear that it’ll all come crashing down, sooner rather than later. Yet, you can’t convince him that there is anything about his behavior he should change–and, a lot does need to change. Lately, I’ve come to the conclusion that there isn’t anything I can do at this point; he won’t hear reason, he won’t hear truth, and even if he acknowledges that things need to change, he won’t choose to change. Yet…there is this feeling of, If something happens to him, well, it’s my fault, I should have done more.
It’s probably the feeling one has trying to get an addict into recovery before they’re ready to get sober–and then, who dies from an overdose or suicide. It’s my fault for not forcing them into recovery. I should have done more.
All I can do is let it go, let him go, let his mental health be HIS mental health. What more can one do? I probably think more about his mental health–and how he’s hurt me and others–than he ever will, which is sad, but probably true.
On that note, it’s time to get outside and enjoy some of this sun!
Drunky Drunk Girl 
That is hard. However, you can’t really make him do anything, as you said.
All you can do is keep open, when maybe he will want help.
Have fun outside!
xo
Wendy
Hug
I think you are right. You have told him your concerns. He does not agree.
That’s ok, even if it sad. I’m sorry you are worried for him.
Some people, especially older ones, don’t accept mental health as an illness like the rest of us. That is definitely not your fault.
Take care.
Anne
Glad your job search is going well, even if not bearing specific fruit yet. And sending you ‘release’ vibes for your dad, that you can let go of any speck of responsibility for his situation/condition. It’s weird, but parents are just other Earth people when it comes down to it. (My mom died 14 years ago and I’m just now starting to be able to think of myself as just a person, an orphan — in a good way!)
That comment was confusing. I mean ‘orphan’ in the sense of not giving a f#$% what my brain tells me that she and her family would think of me and my life and my inner space. I float in my own free space. Not orphan in the sense that mom died — the death merely exposes how dumb the inner influence is.
Yes, they are just people, and it’s taken most of my adult life to see them for who they are, and now as “my parents.” xx
“I have to assume that untreated mental health disorders only get worse as you get older.” Yeah I agree, that’s why I think you have to be constantly analyzing where you are objectively and correcting course when possible. There’s also always the question of whether or not mental disorders can actually be fixed. I’ve never met anyone who truly had a mental illness who was able to overcome it, even with medication. Medication might lessen it, but it’s still there.
I totally agree–I think meds help, but the overall brain activity is too complex and integrated, for better or for worse, to change an inner world. But, hard work and for me, cognitive behavioral “training,” can help shift the focus. Great comment, thank you! 🙂