5:17 pm
Doing it all. I never use that expression because, well, I think it’s ludicrous. Of course, no one can “do it all” (or “have it all”), certainly not working mothers (that’s what I automatically associate with the phrase “do it all” or “have it all,” but I suppose these can be applied to anyone living any type of lifestyle).
During this lockdown period–the “opportunity” to do whatever I want, all day long–which also happens to coincide with not working–I was furloughed from my normally-remote job for three months–I have felt the joy of being able to make a long list of things I want to do…and then felt the frustration of never really getting more than one or two things done in a day. You know why? Because I am an optimist. Haha. (I read that optimists are always late because they’re trying to fit too much in/have no sense–or refuse to have a sense–of realistic timing and scheduling.)
I am always trying to do too much–and always feeling like I am never getting anything done. It’s not true that I’m not getting stuff done, it’s just that I get done what a normal human being can fit into one day, factoring in fatigue, being lazy, maybe something even spontaneous (gasp!). I think it’s worse when you work full-time and then, have a bunch of time off–especially when you have a lot of things you like to do. Every day, I want to do it all, everything that I never get to do during the daytime, now that I have time off. I want to do it all, but I can’t–however, that doesn’t mean that I don’t try! It can get a bit overwhelming, the sense of, man, another day, and I still didn’t get that done! On the other hand, it’s kind of like a first-world problem, and I know this. It doesn’t take away the frustration, though.
On another note, I am almost FOUR WEEKS off Facebook, and, while I have wondered here and there about a few people–oh, I wonder how she is; or, what’s he been up to?–I am simply 100% NOT TEMPTED to go on the site and check. I have checked a few public pages–our government house and power company, for instance–to watch for updates that they don’t post anywhere else. In addition to my groups’ postings, some of which do involve things that at least seem to matter (!), like my career and hiking through the Western desert–haha–that’s what I truly miss. The rest? Eh, I think I am over it. I think I could very well be at the point where I could deactivate my account and one, not feel like I’m missing out on other people’s lives (which makes me feel friendless, lonely) and two, not feel like I’m being forgotten by never posting about mine.
I have a lot I want to do, so that helps to keep these niggling and useless thoughts from becoming anything worth noting or holding onto.
Crazy, COVID times, eh? I am not looking forward to the world being set into motion again, but, thankfully, it will be slow and steady–enough time to get used to the grind-as-normal. Meh! I like the fact that I am finally, somehow, getting to the point of being OK with sitting in a chair and reading pulp fiction for hours on end…
Drunky Drunk Girl 