Drunky drunk girl says, I’m too tired to drink!

10:30 pm

I figured it out: exhaust yourself mentally and physically, and even looking for booze is tiring, let alone drinking it.

I spent the whole day moving around, so to speak, first working on editing a piece for a potential client and then jogging in the park. Mind you, jogging in Prospect Park entails a 30-minute walk/run to the actual park, so I spent almost three hours running away from my cravings.

Actually, the cravings were nonexistent until right after my jog, when my thoughts swayed toward the dark side of the moon and I felt like no one cares or even KNOWS how well I’m doing over here, and even if they did, it wouldn’t matter anyway. So…might as well drink! It’s not their problem, and what’s the matter anyway if I’m not hurting anyone else?

Anyhoo, I DID look for booze, first at the grocery store (where I also picked up cupcake mix — hey, a girl’s gotta have something to look forward to) and then at a local bodega. Neither place sold wine and, even though I did contemplate a beer, I convinced myself that one, I don’t really like beer, and two, I KNOW that once I’ve downed the first, I’m going to want a second, third, fourth, fifth. Which means having to either sit in my apartment and wrestle with that compulsive urge to drink more OR trek my ass to the bodega at midnight and get more beer. Quite frankly, both sounded exhausting, and since I’m already tired, I just let it go.

It feels good. Granted, I’ve got a big next few days/weeks and I KNOW I’m going to want to drink one or all of those days and weeks, but I literally can’t afford to be hung over, at all. Hence, stare at my monitor knowing that I was spared — barely — one more night, I shall.

(I still don’t know what to make of the lack of true cravings, but hey, I’ll take it.)

(Soon, I’ll post some real stories; I have the feeling that remembering the awful stories of some of the things I did and that happened to me while drunk will have just the, let’s say, cooling-down effect that I may need in the coming weeks, especially as one of my best friend’s weddings approaches — there will be booze there and I will want to drink copious amounts of it.)