There’s always tomorrow…for cravings, that is

2:04 am

Well, I made it.  Through the day, that is, which means I officially made it two weeks!  Which is the longest I’ve gone without drinking since last September, when I went for 13 days (yes, I caved the night/morning of the 14th day!).  The longest before that was definitely years prior, like, spring or early summer, 2008.  (In the meantime, I kept a pretty demanding job as a reporter, moved many times, made (and lost) friends, had a few boyfriends, had many blacked-out flings, and in general, sweated it out, day after day.  Yup, you’re looking at the world’s best, and most secretive, functioning alcoholic!  Or, at the very least, in the top 5 percent of ’em!  More on this in another post.)

Which brings me to the point of this post:  there IS always tomorrow, and unless the laws of physics turn on us, waiting for the gong to strike midnight is as predictable as it gets.  And that’s a GOOD THING.  Dealing with my cravings, living through them, is like practicing a sport or an instrument.  The more you do it, the more rote it becomes.  You learn to pass the time in a similar fashion, to make doing certain things or thinking (or not thinking) about other things mechanical.  You create new habits, at least in your mind.  The cravings feel the same every day, they last for about the same amount of time, and the down — the disappointment — never changes.  BUT, it passes.  Again.  And you sleep and forget about it.  Again.  Wash, rinse, repeat.

I’ve also noticed that, against Eckhart Tolle’s best advice, taking myself OUT OF THE NOW and putting myself into the future helps me resist the urge to binge drink.  I should clarify:  there is an URGE and then there is the URGE TO BINGE.  The latter usually strikes hard and fast, and reacting to it is fatal.  It’s like an anxiety attack in the sense that you have to slow your mind down, take a few breaths, and focus on NOT REACTING.  Reacting would have me down four drinks in 10 minutes.  Which would one, not be fun at that moment OR later, and two, straight up ruin this sobriety thing altogether…in 10 short minutes!  So, realizing this and fast-forwarding myself 10 minutes into the future — do I really want to have ruined it so fast, and will it have been worth that 10 minutes of binging — helps me hold the cravings at bay, too.

Off to bed before I crack open that bottle of red (yup, THAT bad boy that’s been staring me in the eye for the past few nights)!

Tags: alcoholic, alcoholism, anxiety, binge drinking, cravings, drinking, panic, sobriety, wine, women