Am I really an alcoholic?

27 Oct

2:21 am

Y’know, a “real” alcoholic?

(I’m writing about this because I’ve been spending WAY much time thinking about drinking, and am wondering, Is it worth all this sobering thought?)

At tonight’s speaker meeting — the big-deal talk at the Promises in Paradise conference today — I suddenly wondered, Wait…maybe I’m not really a drunk? I mean, maybe, for real, I’m not an alcoholic? Maybe my problem is/was binge drinking, and is 100 percent situational? For instance, when I spent two months volunteering in [beautiful island] in 2010, I had practically zero desire to drink. I could have two beers at the end of the day and be done with it (not all the time, and I did crave wine toward the end). I was extremely content with my life and lifestyle there, and felt that I had a significant sense of purpose. Could it be as simple as, I drink when I feel like I’m doing jack with my life and I don’t drink when I fill my need to have a sense of purpose, be creative, and grow/move forward? Quite possibly, yes.

As I listened to Janine from Astoria talk for an hour about what a mess she had made of her life before “finding God” and getting sober (yeah, unfortunately, there was a lot of God talk tonight, including saying the “Our Father,” which I simply refused to do — didn’t sign up for Mass, folks), I had to say to myself, DDG, maybe you need to scoot home, learn to drink responsibly, and stop trying to play with the big boys.

I often wonder, do we catastrophize our problem drinking because we’re a neurotic society as a whole? I was talking to a could-be sponsor tonight, and told her that I didn’t drink until I was a junior in college (I studied abroad that year in Paris; wine definitely helped me speak better/at all in French). She was shocked. I then got the feeling I’ve been getting and have had before elsewhere, but typically not in [cold west coast city] or [cold east coast city]: Oh, you’re one of them. Meaning, I’m smart, I’m stable, I haven’t had many non-first world problems in my life. Sure, whatever, a drunk. Come and see how the other half lives, girlie, and then we’ll talk alcoholism.

And, maybe they’re right. Where does “proper” binge drinking end (even if it only takes a few glasses of wine for you to blackout) and alcoholism begin? And, if we’ve become a society that pathologizes even the most basic of human experience and emotion (since when are mood swings considered bipolar disease, and depression and anxiety things to eradicate as early as possible as young as possible?), who gets to finally claim that label? I mean, who among us wouldn’t want more than one chip?

5 Responses to “Am I really an alcoholic?”

  1. Belle (Tired2012) October 27, 2012 at 8:12 pm #

    i say, it doesn’t matter. the label ain’t important because i feel better when i don’t drink. doesn’t matter if i wasn’t “one of those kinds of drunks” – because i drank more than i wanted to, and that’s the only bottom line there needs to be. i feel better when i don’t drink at all. i’ve given up caring if i can moderate or not, because where i am now is good enough that i do not want to fuck with it. it didn’t take that long to get here, either. my answer to your blog question? not that you asked for my opinion: it doesn’t matter what kind of a drunk you are. if you binge. if you’re a fall-down drunk. or if you’re a monkey. cuz if you’re anything like me, then your body and soul FEEL better when you’re not drinking. you feel more productive and more capable. and once the over thinking stops, which it really and truly will, then your brain will FEEL better too 🙂

    • Drunky Drunk Girl October 27, 2012 at 8:28 pm #

      YOU ARE AMAZING! Thanks for this. I know, it doesn’t really matter. And, I was thinking the same thing today: even *if* I let myself (and, I can, right?) go out and get a bottle of wine, I really don’t want to. I feel better, am much more productive, and well, am seeing things anew — all cuz I ain’t drinkin’. I wish the obsession/thinking about it would stop; I wish that I didn’t WANT to drink, or think I wanted it. But, I’m a million light years away from where I was in June, so I have faith that those thoughts will gradually diminish to nothing. Thanks for being there. Rock on, to both of us! xx

      • Belle (Tired2012) October 28, 2012 at 10:28 am #

        here’s a platitude for you – it does get better, and it does get easier. for me, it was right around 60 days that the daily obsessing stopped, and after 90 days the voice is virtually non-existent except for a few blips here and there … it really does get better, but the only way to know for sure, for yourself, is to get there …

      • Drunky Drunk Girl November 1, 2012 at 4:51 am #

        I am taking your word for this, and not giving in for 90 days. See how it turns out, and know for sure! I know that by 30 things will be different, 60 moreso, and 90…who knows? Only way to know for sure is, like you said, find out! 🙂


  1. Binge drinker, or alcoholic? | Drunky Drunk Girl - July 2, 2013

    […] written about it here, and there. And, like a lot of things, my idea of what the answer to that question is has changed […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s


One family's journey to longterm recovery from alcoholism


Trying to ace sober living

absorbing peace

my walk away from alcohol


recovery from booze, a shitty father and an eating disorder

Violet Tempest

Dark Urban Fantasy & Gothic Horror

Walking in Sober Boots

Footfalls on a Path of Recovery

Sober Mormon

Navigating life after Mormonism

Ditching the Wine

Getting myself sober; the ups and downs

The Sober Experiment

Start your journey of self discovery

Sober and Well

Live your best life free from alcohol

The Phoenix Files

The Outspoken Opinions of S.M. Phoenix


Filling my Cup with What Matters

winesoakedramblings - the blog of Vickie van Dyke

because the drunken pen writes the sober heart ...

I love my new life!

Changing my life to be the best me. My midlife journey into sobriety, passions and simple living/downshifting.

Sunbeam Sobriety

Just a normal lass from Yorkshire and her journey into happy sobriety


Welcome to my journey to end my addiction to wine!

Without the whine

Exploring the heart of what matters most

Find Your Sober Glow!

5 and a half years sober - inspiring and supporting women to live their best sober life!

New Beginnings

My Journey to Staying Sober.

Sober Yogi

My journey to wholeness


A sobriety blog started in 2019

A Spiritual Evolution

Alcoholism recovery in light of a Near Death Experience

No Wine I'm Fine

An alcoholfree journey in New Zealand with a twist


I am a retired teacher who quit drinking and found happiness! After going deaf, I now have two cochlear implants!

Life Beyond Booze

The joys, benefits and challenges of living alcohol free


In reality I was barely functioning at all - life begins with sobriety.

Mental Health @ Home

A safe place to talk openly about mental health & illness

Faded Jeans Living

By Dwight Hyde

Moderately Sober

Finding my contented self the sober way

Sober Courage

from liquid courage to sober courage

Musings Of A Crazy Cat Lady

The personal and professional ramblings of a supposedly middle aged crazy cat lady

Life in the Hot Lane

The Bumpy Road of Life as a Woman 45+

Wake up!

Operation Get A Life


A psychiatrist blogging about her own demons and trying to deal with them sober

Storm in a Wine Glass

I used to drink and now I don't


I got sober. Life got big.

Laura Parrott Perry

We've all got a story to tell.

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

Lose 'da Booze

MY Journey towards Losing 'da Booze Voice within and regaining self-control

Life Out of the Box

Buy a product, help a person in need + see your impact.

Laurie Works

MA., NCC, RYT, Somatic Witch

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

The Soberist Blog

a life in progress ... sans alcohol


Getting sober to be a better mother, wife, and friend


the musings and reflections of one person's mental amusement park


-Postcards from The Cauldron

Guitars and Life

Blog about life by a music obsessed middle aged recovering alcoholic from South East England

%d bloggers like this: