1:42 am
Yup. 61. And, there’ve been the usual ups and downs the past few days, the past few hours. I cannot lie: it is frustrating to me to still be dealing with sugar cravings and moodiness. Gritting teeth and ignoring it.
I’m tired–and irritable–tonight, but I just wanted to say that my 60-day “soberversary” came and went with me hitting an AA meeting and then meeting up for dinner (and wine, for her) with an old roommate and friend from [cold east coast city]. We used to drink a LOT of wine together, but looking back, I know I always drank harder than she did.
It was great to catch up, OK to be drinking Diet Coke while she was doing wine. I mean, I could see myself feeling more deprived than usual if I had the opportunity to hang out with her more frequently. I could see myself wanting to drink more. At dinner last night, I had very little desire to imbibe. Tonight, however, after a day of working in front of my computer, no exercise, and rainy weather (read: cooped up and feeling restless), I wanted to drink at our dinner party. Oh, well, the sheer amazeballs-ness of the place where she’s staying–a four-bedroom, post-colonial mansion on [beautiful island]–made up for it with welcome distraction!
I feel down right now, and I’m not sure why: every morning, and every evening, I feel more down than up. I feel grumpy, frustrated with my progress on work/writing/?; just down. Even though I had a GREAT time with my friend, and felt fine in my skin, having good sober conversations and even better food. I don’t know, I don’t get it. Time to Turn It Off and sleep.
Did someone say it gets easier after 60 days?
Drunky Drunk Girl 
lots. it gets lots easier. from 60-90 days, things just sort of sped along for me, the incessant thinking about ‘not’ drinking eased up. and i just got on with things. and now i’m honestly at a place where i’m not counting days and i know i won’t drink. i still have shitty days, but they’re much less often, and i know they’re not deal-breakers, they’re just shitty days. they come and go. they’re not interesting. hardly worth mentioning 🙂 most days are up with lots to do and i feel great. but if i don’t run, look out. running and sleeping are keys to feeling good (for me). even a 10 minute run is enough to shift my perspective. in fact, i’m off now… it’s below freezing (good god!) but if i don’t go, i risk having a shitty day. not a risk i want to take… hugs from me xo
Thanks, Belle! Wow, sounds fanTAStic! I can’t wait to see it in action. I definitely have certain things that make me feel great, and if I don’t do them (swimming is turning out to be one), I feel cagey and wanting to drink. But yeah…thank you for the encouragement. HUGS back ‘atcha!
In my experience, there will always be ups and downs in recovery. Yesterday was 23 months for me and there were some rough patches in the middle of it but now i feel more balanced. What i can say for sure is that with time the lows get less low and the highs still feel pretty fucking good.
Thanks, Al!!! 23 months, wow! That’s amazing. And, I can’t wait to keep feelin’ those highs without the “whiney” lows… 🙂
I said it gets easier! And it does.
I can’t wait! 🙂
It does get easier and you will lift up again .. but then you will get low again… and then you will lift up again .. and then you will get angry .. and then you will lift up again .. and then you will get sad .. and then you will lift up again! Sober life. It has way more ups and downs. But it is so so so much better than boozy life that’s for sure. You’re doing so great. xxxx
Thanks for the insight, Mrs. D!