11:12 am
Well, I’m back. And, what a trip! We covered 3,000 flight miles each way, and 2,500 in the car! Needless to say, I haven’t had much time to blog, but I’ve been thinking about everyone and wanted to write a quick update.
The wedding went GRAND. The girlfriend ignored me–literally, pretended I didn’t exist/wasn’t in the room (how someone does that for an entire 48-hour period is interesting, I suppose). And, I returned the favor! 🙂
And that was that. I realized almost immediately my error in resenting her and giving her all this power all these years–she is literally powerless, which makes her irrelevant to my life. I have–and always had–the power over my reality. Beyond that, I tried to enjoy me, and my brother, and the family, and my boyfriend meeting the family, and all the amazing food, sites, and sounds!
The ceremony was magical, and I felt amazing–calm, happy, calmer and happier than I have in years. I/we were just…present. Not caring about what she was doing or saying (which was ridiculous, and I’ll blog about it later, but right now, the main word that comes to mind for her is “mentally ill”).
We then went on a week-long road trip through “the West” (of the US), hitting four states, four national parks, and two major cities. Whew. Now, it’s back to work…for two weeks. Because two weeks from today, I leave for a 6-week “voluntouring” trip to another country! If I told you which one, it might blow the anonymity of this blog, but suffice it to say, it’s a neighboring place that’s been in the news lately! I am really excited, having planned where I’ll be and what I’ll be doing, embraced a certain level of emotional and physical uncertainty, and determined my immediate next steps upon return.
I have to say, and this has happened before, when you reveal yourself to the world–your dreams, let’s say–the world responds! I was a bit nervous calling my boss here and being like, Hey, can I ghost on you for the next six weeks to go and volunteer in a developing country, and then, uh, maybe come back to my job? He was not only cool with it, he gave me his “blessing” (his word, which I appreciated so much I am quoting him!). Turns out, before becoming a real estate agent, his thesis work was on similar stuff in the South Sudan. Click. When will I learn? Stop being afraid, DDG! The world rewards–craves–our bravery of spirit and humility of soul.
Back to work. Like I said, I will dish much further on “the girlfriend” later. I must end with this: at the end of the event, I realized one thing, and that is that it is not about her, or him, or them, it’s about ME. I can’t quite explain, but I realized just how much energy I wasted putting any of MYSELF into thinking about the girlfriend’s thoughts of me, or anyone else for that matter. It’s my world, my path, my mind; no one else’s. It doesn’t matter at all what or whether she thinks of me.
Thank you, friends! You were there with me every step of the way this past two weeks.
Day 500–coming up on July 31. No thoughts or desires to drink, btw. Maybe I’ve outgrown it? Maybe, as Belle said, it just takes a longer, continuous period of sobriety to reach greater levels of freedom from the want to drink? Whatever it is, I’ll take it.
Drunky Drunk Girl 
Yay! I am so happy it went well…you sound so happy and full of life…simply amazing! Keep doing your thing, DDG! xo
Oh my god I love it I love it I love it. xxxxx
Thank you, Mrs. D! I got your comment/check-in last week, and it was so awesome to know you were thinking about me. *deep sigh of relief* Time to move on!? 🙂
Hi there DDG, not sure if I have commented on your blog before or not, but have been lurking and following the whole girlfriend / wedding saga, and am so glad that it all went off OK 🙂 Sounds like you have really moved on from this difficult relationship. And what a great trip, too! Life sounds good all round – an inspiring picture of a sober life! xx
Yippee! So glad to hear all the great news! and I CAN’T WAIT for you to dish the dirt! Best of luck in your work travels!
I just have to say you hit it right on the spot. We have always had power over our reality! If only we always knew that. 🙂
yahoo!!!
This is the BEST update!!!!!!!!!! “it’s about ME” YESSSSSS sistah! PREACH IT! I recently said those exact words out loud in a conversation and I swear, air left the other person’s lungs because they were like Uh, wait, what? Completely flipped that conversation right around and I was in charge! SO empowering!
I can not wait to hear the deets!!
I’m super glad it went so well for you!!! It’s good to hear you sounding so strong and clear. xo
Yay! I’m so glad to hear all this! This part
” I can’t quite explain, but I realized just how much energy I wasted putting any of MYSELF into thinking about the girlfriend’s thoughts of me, or anyone else for that matter. It’s my world, my path, my mind; no one else’s. It doesn’t matter at all what or whether she thinks of me.”
helps me with someone I’m struggling with now. Being able to let go of the drama and heal without it being a two party agreement. Huh. I like that possibility.
You sound great. 🙂 xoxoxo
So happy you had a great trip and can’t wait to hear more about your mystery trip. You sound very strong and secure … Just lovely!
glad to read that you are back and well
Reading this blog made my whole body smile 🙂 How amazing for you that you found this truth for yourself–that you control your own reality–and then went on such a lovely trip! The West is a glorious part of the States and a perfect place for you to go after such a huge revelation. That area of the country really can nurture you if you let it. Thanks for the quick update, enjoy your volunteering and looking forward to your next update! hugs to you!