11:35 am
Life keeps happening–who knew?
I just wanted to check in and say, hey, I’m still here, and still sober. I guess I have just been busy–stories to write, interviews (of me, for jobs) to do–it all just leaves me with little time to wax poetic or non-nostalgic about my drinking, or lack thereof.
I’m just glad that my brain is somewhat back in balance–yes, I’m sober, in more ways than one; much more sober than I used to be. However, I can see the negative affect more clearly–we ALL HAVE IT, negative thoughts and feelings–and I can literally choose to embrace it, ignore it, or let it go completely. Last year, when I was around a year sober, it all seemed so confusing–and worse, like valuable “recovery material.” Now, it just gets in my way. (I know there are still many things to blog about–more than ever, actually. I just seem to be having a hard time committing to spending what little free time I do have to thinking about (not) drinking! More to come, I’m sure.)
Make no mistake: Sobriety is worth it. But, recovery does not have to be forever.
Drunky Drunk Girl 
I’m glad you’re doing fine, DDG. For me, recovery DOES have to last forever. Why? Because I’m damn drunk! HA! Seriously though, I made it 15 years without drinking and for 8 of them I didn’t go to meetings. I took that first drink as a “scientific experiment” to see if I could get by with it. That gradually led to a two year bender. The end result of that little experiment taught me what I didn’t want to know…I’m fucked. For life. OR, I could look at it the other way….I’m LUCKY. No cravings, no binges, no jail, etc. . I’ll have 3 years in December and I haven’t been to an AA meeting in a year. You know why…you had some of the same experiences I did. However, the more I think about going on a vacation by myself, the more I think “can I be trusted? What if I get lonely? Pissed off? Or just feel like I can get by with something?” Just thinking like that will lead me back to AA whether I want to go or not. For some, it’s the only option. I guess I’m just one of those that can do without for long periods of time until I scare myself.
It’s that crazy little 16 year old that lives in my 52 year old brain. That psycho needs to be kept more than arm’s length for the rest of my life and the only way to do that is to watch what I think and what I drink. It’s selzer water all the way!! (Another addiction). : )
I am so glad you are doing okay. Did you ever stop to think how much better you would be doing with the active involvement in AA? Don’t shortchange yourself. An hour a few times a week could change your “doing okay, still sober” into “happy, joyous and free”. I’m not a big book thumper by any means, but I do know that no matter how busy I get, meetings must be a priority to really be in recovery. When I fall away from AA meetings, I know what lurks around the corner. Much love.
Yep. Think I’m w/ Tar Heel on this one. Sounds as though you’re flirting with disaster, kiddo. While you’re certainly right that recovery doesn’t have to be forever, it has to be long enough for your heart and mind to be changed.
Much love and prayers for you.
I come and go on blogging – esp blogging about recovery simply because I often think i have nothing worth saying. But really I should say “Hey still sober, still working on staying sober, this is good, no it is great, no it is wonderful”
Exactly! *Hugs*
I told a sober musician friend (10 years sober) I quit drinking, and he replied “you rocked it to a point, now on to the next”. Of course we all have to do what we have to stay sober, happy and healthy. To treat ourselves with care. I like the perspective of being “on to the next”.
Thanks DDG.
I think it is awesome you are blogging about your experiences getting sober. I just gave up drinking for a year 17 days ago. It has been challenging, but I am looking forward to the rewards. I am also blogging about my experience. http://www.thesoberexperience.com
It is a personal journey. AA extremists beleive there is only one way, and that is simply far from the truth. The one thing that I beleive most fail at when trying to accomplish ‘true’ sobriety, is the belief that they must continue with a program. It actually can have a reverse effect. Every AA meeting is just a dialogue rooted in the past, which for most is dark and dirty. To achieve a new life, one must let go. I feel sorry for the AA’ers that don’t get it, and are so caught up in the past, they never get a chance to live freely in the moment.
I would rather recovery be forever than the flip side of the coin. However you frame it not drinking is pretty flippin awesome!!