8:18 pm
Lately, I’ve been doing a LOT of thinking, working, analyzing–one day, I keep telling myself, I won’t have to do what I do for a living; one day, I can do something different. Then, I look at how much it costs to buy a home and think, um, yeah, I better keep my day job, as it were!
Anyway, this morning, I had a really nice moment:
Between the “partly” and “cloudy,” we had a few minutes of sunshine. It is truly glorious here after a short, light rain: the water gets caught in all the tropical nooks and crannies, and it makes everything sparkle as the breeze blows.
I took my coffee outside and found a patch of sun and just stood there. I noticed a HUGEASS spider–we have these crazy-big, black-and-grey, striped spiders down here, and they like to weave their nests in the bush, from branch to branch. I saw it and just stared. Then, out of the corner of my eye, I saw motion, and it turned out to be this orangey lizard slowly and smoothly swishing its razor-fine tail back and forth in the light. Next, I fixated on a quiet bee meandering through the air, from one landing spot to a future one, no doubt. I could hear the near-symphony of sounds, scents, and movement in the air–all enveloped in this quiet calm. There was no rush, nothing to think about, nothing to analyze. It is, to me, a heavenly place, the natural world, especially the tropical one. So much life, and crosstalk, yet complete harmony.
Ahh, I thought. I’d love to be here one day, a part of this world; no longer analyzing, or trying to remember, or attempting to capture or somehow hold onto this moment. It’s an illusion, the stress of not holding onto it; there is no need to hold what does not go away, what is constant. And, in this rare moment this morning, all I wanted to do was have this moment, to observe it, and then, let it go. And, I did.
It’s been a long year so far, with every day presenting challenges to my motivation and sanity! However, I am reminded (thankfully, on days like today) of the “real-er” world around me, the one that does not need to be understood or made better or fixed; it never needs to be analyzed; its moments are special, but they are transient and meant to be let go.
I am glad I had a moment like this, this morning, to remember that good things are coming my way; just be here, now.
Drunky Drunk Girl 