Drunky Drunk Girl

10:57 am

I’m going to go for writing a few shorter posts over the next few days, as my long-windedness is even tiring ME out.

I woke up, made my (decaf) iced coffee (it’s too hot down here for coffee, and I haven’t had a cup of regular since 2005–true story), and watered my plants. Well, budding plants. SOON-to-be budding plants. I think I buried the seeds too deep the first time, and the only thing that’s come up is the tomato. I planted new seeds this morning and covered them with a mere dusting of potting soil. We’ll see. (I must say, for someone who grew up on a dairy farm, I sure don’t have a green thumb. Trial and error, I guess.)

So, that list. Ten reasons not to drink today:

1. I want to get shit done. Which means, I’ll be working TOWARD that to-do list, not against or away from it.
2. It’s nice today (it’s been raining a lot here lately), and I don’t want to miss the sun, a run, my walk with the dogs, a long-overdue trip to the beach later to watch the sun set. The list is infinite.
3. I don’t want to feel like absolute ASS tomorrow. Period. There is nothing like a three-day hangover to make you go, FUCK THIS.
4. I don’t want the calories. That wine gut? Turns out, it’s not been easy to lose. (Then again, maybe I should lay off the buttercream frosting?)
5. I don’t want to spend the money, and literally, pour it down the drain.
6. I don’t want to talk too much, cry too much, or have a mood swing that’s tied to nothing REAL.
7. I want to wake up tomorrow and feel proud that I made it another day. And I sure as hell don’t want to give up before I reach 180 days, as my longest stretch was almost six months. I DO believe in that miracle now, and it’s so subtle that if it wasn’t well, a miracle, I’d shake it’s little head back and forth, whisper-screaming, “YOU LITTLE BITCH! What took you so long?!”

And, you know what’s strange, but I’m having a hard time thinking of the last three! I mean, I’m so USED to not drinking, I don’t think about why I should or shouldn’t drink–I just shouldn’t, end of story. But, if I was pressed, I would delve deeper:

8. I LIKE the consistency of sobriety, the lack of both real and imagined drama–I know that I have the next however many hours, and I know I can plan to do things and they will get done. There are no distractions, no shenanigans.
9. I LIKE being able to see the horizon, and that horizon includes a further line of thought–I am more plugged into both my internal and external sources of stimuli and information, and I can react appropriately.
10. I don’t have the urge to drink. I don’t necessarily want to drink anymore than I want to…I don’t know, spin around in my chair until I get dizzy. It’s just not something I DO. Anymore. Well, for right now at least.

Anyway, happy Friday, friends!

Tags: alcoholic, alcoholism, binge drinking, drinking, reasons not to drink, recovery, sober, sobriety, top ten list, wine, women