Day 5 of unicorns, glitter, and an arsenal of AWESOME

23 Mar

1:52 pm

Hi, guys. I’m back…! πŸ˜‰

Aside from having had to endure a three-day (yes, I’m not kidding) hangover, and now, what feels like a stomach flu of some sort, I’m back on it: counting days (I’m a sucker for goals), running, doing my work, walking the dogs, and looking into some new professional and personal opportunities down here and elsewhere.

I have, honestly, thought of drinking. Why not, I’ve already fallen off? It was a quiet thought, and I guess–before I beat myself up about having it–at least I heard it, spotted the little fucker, and plucked it out/cut it down almost immediately! However, WTF? We all know that we have selective memory when it comes to drinking and hangovers, but yet…this was more like, an “in” for the wolf. I left the window open a crack, and that piece of shit was poking it’s stinking nose back in. (Though, maybe it’s my fault, as I left out the dog bed for it to sleep on; sure, a *dog* bed for a wolf, but a bed nonetheless. I should trash it, and lock him out for good, I know this now.) I can see how people can relapse; not necessarily go back to drinking like they did, but go back to thinking they can–isn’t this most of what is wrong, our thoughtful obsession with drinking, and how it’s supposed to do this and that and everything else for us, but does none of those things? Still, I CANNOT BELIEVE myself, actually considering drinking after feeling so bad for two, going on three, days.

The state of mind I was in, too, was telling: I felt low to the ground, sad, depressed, shaky, and in general, uncertain. There was this feeling of not being sure, about anything. I can’t even put my finger on WHAT I was trying to feel sure about, but there was definitely a disconnect between my feet, my heart, my head, my soul…and the ground. MY GROUND. That’s what I felt, and I did not like it. I like feeling the EXACT OPPOSITE while sober, actually. I have to say, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the small yet magnificent sense of mind, presence of action, and general “on it”-ness I got used to feeling while sober. It’s this that comprises my arsenal of AWESOME, which is so much better than all the lame “tools” I thought I had to deal with life while drinkin’.

I’m feeling better, and about to embark on my 7-mile run today. Ha ha. Hahahahaha. We shall see. Of course, drinking on Monday night fucked up my running schedule, and when I finally got back on the horse on Thursday, I felt SO tired that I could barely keep upright. I wanted to lie down in the gravel next to my car, or better yet, on the side of the road, and go to sleep!

See you later, friends!

9 Responses to “Day 5 of unicorns, glitter, and an arsenal of AWESOME”

  1. Belle (Tired2012) March 23, 2013 at 7:36 pm #

    am glad to see your update πŸ™‚ day 5! and i love this: “comprises my arsenal of AWESOME.” Here’s hoping NOTHING compromises your “awesome.” Hugs from me.

    • facingfactsaboutmyself March 25, 2013 at 5:28 am #

      I’m going to re-use that arsenal of awesome line. It’s just too good!

  2. runningonsober March 24, 2013 at 12:13 am #

    Hope you had a kick ass run.

    I hate when that voice starts nudging. It was quite vocal early on, but it got more quiet as time went on. I think that’s the obsession that AA tends to reference, and many of us are powerless to that obsessive thought. Running helped me deal with it–a lot.

    Enjoy your weekend!

  3. Amy March 24, 2013 at 10:14 am #

    One reason I had to quit drinking is because hangovers were like this days long affair- it really took me 3 to 4 days to recover from a serious drinking session. Which is why making it past days 5 and 7 were like winning a marathon. Twice.

    You sound good. And if wolfie comes back, poke him in eye with unicorn horn. He hates that.

  4. risingwoman March 24, 2013 at 4:51 pm #

    Ah, yes. The days-long-hangovers. Those were the bad old days.

    And I like Amy’s suggestion: poke that wolf in the eye with a unicorn horn… that’ll teach the little bastard πŸ˜‰

  5. carrythemessage March 25, 2013 at 3:39 am #

    Great update – loved the determination to not get back to the very old ways of thinking. That idea of continuing to drink since having the slip is something that many, many alcoholics do…as if ask what is the point of going back to sobriety…I am here, the deed is done, might as well ride it out, etc. That is dangerous territory, and many an alcoholic has not come back with that kind of reasoning. But you`re here, you`re back…and that`s the most important thing going right now. And yes, that mental obsession, the wolfie…it`s a killer. Truly is. It makes us forget the pain and suffering of even a week or day ago. It`s the whole `this time will be different` thing it likes to whisper gently in your ear. It will even look past all the great ways you have been feeling in sobriety to get what it wants – booze. I applaud you for getting back here. I know for me, if I went back out again, you wouldn`t ever see me again, except in the obituary. I may have another drunk in me, but not another recovery. And many other don`t. You`re blessed to be here…and so are we:)

    Light and love,
    Paul

  6. Lisa Neumann March 26, 2013 at 1:04 pm #

    You’re a hoot even coming back from a slip. Everyone already said the good stuff so I’ll just send over an “I love you” … And , I especially need to get over here before Paul because he always writes brilliant shit and I hate commenting after him. … okay, that’s it from me, xox

    • Drunky Drunk Girl March 26, 2013 at 3:11 pm #

      Hahaha! Thank you, Lisa. Yes, it was just a slip; right now, drinking is not an option. I’ve built too much on my sobriety, literally can’t afford to take it for granted right now again (with another “slip”).

      I love your comments, they’re more helpful than you can imagine!

      xx

  7. themiracleisaroundthecorner March 27, 2013 at 11:35 pm #

    DDG, honest to God I was just thinking that it’s been a while since I’ve seen a post from you, then I’m reading someone else’s blog, you’ve posted a comment, so I head over and see I’ve missed at least 5 posts, all of which are monumental. I am really sorry I am a week late, and there is not a single new thing I can add… you are so brave, and I so appreciate your honesty, and I am awed by your insight. I also agree with Lisa, there is usually nothing left to say after Paul posts, he knows all the perfect things to say, every single time! Please know I am praying for you, and I am thrilled you are feeling better, and I am SO HAPPY I have figured out my reader is not up to date!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Violet Tempest

Author of Gothic Horror & Romance

Walking in Sober Boots

Footfalls on a Path of Recovery

Sober Mormon

Navigating life after Mormonism and addiction recovery. (It's a trip.)

Ditching the Wine

Getting myself sober; the ups and downs

The Sober Experiment

Start your journey of self discovery

Devon Maid

Devon Maid is a story about my ongoing wellbeing journey and life in a rural playground

Sober and Well

Live your best life free from alcohol

The Phoenix Files

The Outspoken Opinions of S.M. Phoenix

cuprunnethover

Filling my Cup with what Matters

Lauren Steinheimer

freelance writer. trail runner. relentless savage.

winesoakedramblings - the blog of Vickie van Dyke

because the drunken pen writes the sober heart ...

I love my new life!

Changing my life to be the best me. My midlife journey into sobriety, passions and simple living/downshifting.

Waking up on the Wrong Side of 50

Navigating the second half of my life

Sunbeam Sobriety

Just a normal lass from Yorkshire and her journey into happy sobriety

runningfromwine

Welcome to my journey to end my addiction to wine!

Without the whine

Exploring the heart of what matters most

New Beginnings

My Journey to Staying Sober.

Sober Yogi

My journey to wholeness

When Women Inspire

Female empowerment | Inspiring women to success

The Sobriety Tree

Putting in roots; mixing metaphors at the leaf level

'Nomorebeer'

A sobriety blog started in 2019

A Spiritual Evolution

Alcoholism recovery in light of a Near Death Experience

No Wine I'm Fine

An alcoholfree journey in New Zealand with a twist

Untipsyteacher

I am a retired teacher who quit drinking and found happiness! After going deaf, I now have two cochlear implants!

Life Beyond Booze

The joys, benefits and challenges of living alcohol-free

Functioningguzzler

In reality I was barely functioning at all - life begins with sobriety.

Mental Health @ Home

Building mental wellness on a foundation of strength

Faded Jeans Living

By Dwight Hyde

Moderately Sober

Finding my contented self the sober way

Sober Courage

from liquid courage to sober courage

Musings Of A Crazy Cat Lady

The personal and professional ramblings of a supposedly middle aged crazy cat lady

Life in the Hot Lane

The Bumpy Road of Life as a Woman 45+

Wake up!

Operation Get A Life

doctorgettingsober

A psychiatrist blogging about her own demons and trying to deal with them sober

Storm in a Wine Glass

I used to drink and now I don't

Off-Dry

I got sober. Life got big.

Laura Parrott Perry

We've all got a story to tell.

Finding a Sober Miracle

A woman's quest for one year of sobriety

Dorothy Recovers

An evolving tale of a new life in recovery

Lose 'da Booze

MY Journey towards Losing 'da Booze Voice within and regaining self-control

Laurie Works

MA., NCC, RYT, Somatic Witch

Drunky Drunk Girl

A blog about getting sober

The Soberist Blog

a life in progress ... sans alcohol

soberjessie

Getting sober to be a better mother, wife, and friend

mentalrollercoaster

the musings and reflections of one person's mental amusement park

TRUDGING THROUGH THE FIRE

-Postcards from The Cauldron

Guitars and Life

Blog about life by a music obsessed middle aged recovering alcoholic from South East England

%d bloggers like this: