8:37 pm
It’s been nine years since I started this blog–nine years, too, since I got sober! And, in step with how this year has been going (a tornado that is tearing seamlessly over the train wreckage of 2020), I am over a week late in writing a commemorative blog post. Haha. Oh, well.
I guess I have to admit that, while I’m still truly grateful and happy for my nine years, I’m not sure how I feel about this blog anymore. DDG used to be my happy place, my safe space, a spot where I could gather with 150 of my closest sober blogging friends and divulge all the ugly deets of our collective journey. Most of those bloggers are gone. I’m still here, but am I, really? I mean, I’m still trying to redefine myself, which I seem to have lost this past year.
Per this blog: I used to be–to feel–on fire, in the sense that, I had SO much fervor toward getting sober and subsequently, so much to say. Now, I just feel sort of indifferent to it. Maybe I’m just burnt out and tired (still working all day, every day; still dealing with the Dad dementia stuff; still managing my menopause crap). Sure, I have no doubt that it’s all good to evolve and move forward–and, YES, sobriety is still my foundation–but the pieces of sobriety that are relevant to me now often include a LOT more life stuff, which is stuff that has nothing to do with sobriety, intrisincally, or, um, an audience of relative strangers.
I may be a different girl on fire now, but I’m probably not DDG anymore. Which is and has to be OK. But, I miss her and I miss doing what I loved to do. Why not just keep doing what you used to do, then? It’s just not that easy, is what I’m saying (and trying to understand, myself!).
Anyway, I want to shout, watch this space, but…I’ll just leave it at a whisper of, take solace in this space, a (almost) blank page for you to ponder (and one for me, too, to place new words and new thoughts).
Drunky Drunk Girl 