11:29 am
I just wanted to check in quickly and say, happy new year to all!
Lately, I haven’t been blogging much, mainly because I’m really busy with my freelance writing business. I have to say, 2014 was a fantastic year, and I’m almost a little apprehensive: will 2015 live up to it? My “word” of the year is BUILD. Just continuing to build, and work, and reap the rewards of continued sobriety. There have been so many, and from the talks I’ve had with self and others, this year is looking to be pretty fruitful as well.
Last year I took something like five or six trips–it was a very active, confrontational year. Meaning, I went toward, and worked on, my demons, or, the things that I had to go back to. This year, that doesn’t have to be the case; I’ve circled the wagon and seen inside–not much going on that’s relevant to my present, daily life anymore.
This year, my boyfriend and I are already planning a handful of awesome trips, one of which will be another road trip through the southern part of the US–to see where we want to move to. The freelance writing, after much, much work, has finally started to pay off: not only am I writing almost constantly (because I work almost constantly), but I’m landing better-paying gigs. Hope that keeps up this year. It will keep up if I keep putting the work in, is one thing I’ve always known. You work, and it pays off. Eventually, somehow, somewhere.
Full steam ahead, continuation of the hard work that I put in last year–that’s all I can come up with for 2015. Sobriety is my cornerstone, but…not drinking doesn’t mean all that much, in the end, without accompanying work toward making my life what I want it to be. Meaning, I have a bottle of white in the fridge–haven’t even looked at it beyond using it to make risotto a couple times. BUT, have I felt tired and frustrated and unsure–and happy and joyful, and frankly, free? All the time, yes, yes, yes. Both, and neither, and in between. That’s life. It has nothing to do anymore, for me, with wine, white or red. Life is life; liquid that you put into your body is just that. I pick life to think about and do these days, not “sobriety.” Sobriety, thankfully, is done. It’s there. It’s my building block. But, that doesn’t mean I believe I have to be afraid of returning to the person who was guzzling bottles on a daily basis.
Which is a little bit why I haven’t blogged. But, mainly, it’s because I’ve been busy working and dreaming and planning for what’s to come, not what WAS. And, what isn’t. I guess I can open up some time, one day soon, to ruminate on what isn’t. Not today, though: I have writing to do (ugh), a beach to visit, some kind of kickass meal to make (I really like cooking now), dogs to walk, and “The Killing” to watch. 🙂
Here’s to a productive–and TRULY “happy, joyful, and free” new year. Happy, and joyful, and free is HOW YOU DEFINE IT. And, if you’re at that point, of being able to use those words, and set even just a little meaning to them; you’re well on your way to full, lasting recovery.
Drunky Drunk Girl 
Great post DDG. So happy your writing is taking off! I hope that 2015 will be a great year for you. Don’t feel pressured to blog…just let us know occasionally that you’re hanging in there and enjoying life! Hugs, Trish
Thank you, Trish! I think 2015 is going to fly by–it already feels like it! Thanks for checking in, it’s been so affirming to have my blogging friends there for me, through it all. Hugs right back ‘atcha!
Well hello!!! It does feel better to move forward, doesn’t it? Blogging has allowed me to work through some of the hard parts of figuring out how to not be afraid to give up drinking, after a while, if I write about it or focus on it too much, I feel as stuck as I felt when I was drinking. It feels healthier to move forward and focus on new projects and possibilities. 🙂
YES! You said it perfectly: sometimes going back in time makes you feel stuck. I am very much ready and looking forward this year to really moving forward–I won’t stop blogging, but I’ll probably focus more on life and less on “life without wine.”
Happy New Year!! Sounds like a great year for you lined up and BUILD is a great word. My mantra for this year is “I let go” of habits, things that no longer serve me. I am not 100% sober but will practice very mindful drinking and very occasionally in comparison to last year and for me that’s success.
Absolutely–success is how you define it. It’s easy to get wrapped up in this idea of “abstinence is the holy grail” thinking. It’s not. The holy grail, as I’ve come to see it (and I needed to get 100% sober to see it, but not everyone does, of course), is simply being FREE of obsessing over escape or fix or perfecting life–in favor of being OK or happy enough that you can focus on pursuing what makes you feel full, happy, content. I like your mantra–letting go. I’ve come to realize that it’s a lot easier said than done, but with practice, you can really teach yourself how to do it so that you can live more freely. Congratulations, and here’s to a good start to the new year! 🙂
Hey! Still looking forward to that promised post on self-identity…
https://parkinglotpushups.wordpress.com/
Haha. It’s coming! Thanks for reminding me… 🙂
Taps foot… 🙂
I’m newly sober, 13 days, and I have been searching for like-minded friends who I can open up to. I love your blog! It actually inspired me to start writing one of my own. 🙂 Thank you! I look forward to reading more!