6:31 pm
2022 is just tearing by; it’s been sort of a blur. And, admittedly, I am hesitant to post most of the time. Not sure why; among many reasons, I guess I just feel like, sharing with strangers is a bit, well, 2012. Yep, this year will mark TEN YEARS writing this blog; can you believe that? It feels GOOD to keep writing here, but I guess it’s probably time to move on? Eh, save that decision for another year! Haha.
Hmm…I could go through my checklist of what’s new, but, 2022 has been sort of a continuation of 2021 for me: work, work, work, rinse, repeat. I am a bit (haha) burnt out, but I have learned a lot, gotten a ton done, and made a lot of money! I rarely leave the house, and if I do make it out into the world, it’s for a quick hour to go jogging or pick up something at the store. (However, that only affects me negatively if I think about the fact that in two years, I haven’t made many new friends. Then again, who has done or made anything new during Covid?) I know, I know, this working 80 hours a week is definitely not sustainable, but it was never meant to be; I’ve been grinding it out for one sole reason–to save money to buy a house (or, houses, if I had my way). Thing is, this bleeping pandemic has devastated the housing market, so, until inventory comes back online, all I am doing is working to save money, with no end in sight, it seems. Still, I will keep on keepin’ on because the money is good and I am able to do it.
My dad is still, you know, declining with dementia. We have him in a home (in my home state, they are called CBRFs), which is a necessity; I cannot imagine trying to care for him or someone like him on my own, in my own home. These days, he is sort of present but then also, sort of pulling from a much reduced memory bank. It’s as if he recalls memories of reactions and feelings he had from last year, to similar situations that he is in this year. It’s bizarre.
The other day, he went to the ER because he hadn’t fully emptied his bladder in a while…which made me wonder, is this part of it, too? Could be, could also be his meds, which they keep adding one on top of another, every time we turn around. Past few days, he was slurring his words a LOT, talking nonsense. They dose him with Ativan regularly, which I sort of disagree with (my experience with those meds is that, they are not necessarily anti-anxiety as much as they are anti-panic attack level of anxiety; in fact, when I took them to preempt a panic attack, they actually made my nerves worse); and the neurologist just put him on a drug for the tremors caused by another drug his is taking. Gotta love (not) Big Pharma.
Bottom line: NO ONE deserves his fate. NO ONE deserves to go out with dementia. The cruelest irony is, he was a hugely intelligent man.
On a different note, I had my boo bring home some rum the other day so I could make tiramisu brownies! They turned out pretty good, but next time, I’m going to make real tiramisu and not an altered version. I have to admit, I was sipping a few ounces of white wine every few nights about a month ago when the heat/anger/insomnia got to be overload; it actually really helped, seems it’s quite medicinal for peri/menopausal symptoms. HOWEVER, there are many other, healthier options that women can take, right? I dunno; a part of me now believes (after experimenting for the past few years on HRT) that a few sips of white wine is much healthier than putting exogenous hormones into your body before it’s done producing its own. Long story short, I was enjoying the relief so much that I dumped the bottle.
The sounds of the night are coming out, the dogs need to be walked, and I have a lot of personal stuff to do before I call it a day and start gearing up for another crazy week, so… Hope all are well!
Drunky Drunk Girl 
ɪ understand about feeling it’s time to move on from a blog. I kept a getting-sober blog for about two years into recovery, and I stopped when it felt like the right time to let it go. I exported all my posts in case I want to read them later. I’m going into my sixth year of sobriety now. I’m glad you’re still posting. I don’t interact much with sober blogs these days, but this post caught my eye. Hope you’re well.
My friend’s mom was on a new drug for dementia and it made her worse.
Just passing that along.
Hugs.
xo
Wendy
My father just went through the same thing with his bladder. In his case it is due to an enlarged prostate damaging it. Why didn’t someone catch this before it happened?? I guess at 97 (98 next month) they just expect everything to go to sh!t anyway. To make a long story short, this all started with a UTI. He fell several times and we actually thought he was going to die. All from a UTI. The elderly don’t seem to know when they have one but a change in behavior or more falls can tell the tale. So I know your stress! Thank God he doesn’t have dementia but he can say some crazy stuff! I’m going to assume he’s not an alcoholic but we find the occasional wine bottle. In fact, he took quite a shot of it after surgery where Fentenyl was used!!! I was never THAT crazy! LOL
Glad to hear you’re still succeeding at life!
I am sorry about the peri menopause. I am 50 and am well on my way there.
I do not think wine is the answer. I’m glad you dumped the bottle.
Do you have support in recovery where you are? AA? Maybe that would be a place to make friends.
I have been writing for almost 8 years now myself. I wonder where the time went, and reading back over my own blog shocks me at how much has happened in my life, and how glad I am that I have gotten through it all sober.
I hope you find some peace and support.
Stillness and peace
Anne
So glad you are still here, even if only occasionally. I can only imagine all of the people you have helped along the way. So many fall off with blogging once they get to the 2 year mark. idk if thats just a thing or what. I can tell you i still feel comfort that i can go back and re read your posts from time to time. Recovery is often hell and having this support here means so much. So sorry about your dad- again- stepfather going through much the same and my mom is having to deal with so much . If they put him into care, she loses her home and would have to find a place to go. She is stubborn and will do anything to wait it out to the inevitable end. The problem is he gets pretty scary and violent. Wish she would have left 20 years ago when she needed to- all of his worst traits are unchecked now. He has threatened her life more than enough times, or to set their house on fire or kill himself. Lots worse but i wont say any more. On another note so happy you are making money and enjoying it…sounds dreamy…please don’t forget us here when you have a moment…hugs!!
Thanks–means so much. Of course, I won’t forget about you, and I will be back (this is just a pause, I’m sure)! 🙂