8:37 pm
Because, I hate to say this as it belies a certain degree of cynicism, no one else is going to do it for you!
I have had a really busy past six months, and a lot of the time, I’ve felt like I’ve been totally making it up as I go/feeling my way forward. My new job has been a total trip–new type of job, new amount of workload, new people and personalities to deal with, and on top if it all, a whole new realm of science and health to learn. Let’s also not forget that I’ve been sort of relearning how to write journalistically–since, well, honestly, I haven’t done so in years.
I have been dealing with the ups and downs of perimenopause, and frankly, I think if this is it, then I’m pretty lucky. I finally got through a bunch of tests that showed what I knew all along: my hormones are changing and I have one of two choices, either treat them with birth control or naturally, or don’t treat them and wait for them to ebb and flow (and they do, and they have; right now, while I am still experiencing my night heat/dry chills, it’s totally eased up/almost disappeared). I am taking the pill, and that comes with a host of side effects if your hormones are going up and down, which I’ve recently discovered (headaches, nausea, a slight feeling of being crazy/anxious thoughts). BUT, it sure beats the night heat, which, even if that comes and goes, I’d rather not experience at all. I will be 45 this year, and my earliest symptoms of perimenopause started when I was 39, so…hopefully I’ll be done soon! Haha. Bring it on!
You know, at my last appointment with my gynecologist, she was like, well, your eggs are old, you are definitely in perimenopause, and um, if you’re trying to use your own eggs to have kids, it’s not going to work; you’ll have to use an egg donor. And, I felt nothing. I felt no sadness, nothing. And, it was kind of glorious. I remember when I started this blog, in 2012, I was freaking OUT about should I/shouldn’t I have kids… And, to have it come and go, and to have my doctor straight up tell me, you are past the age, gurl; and to NOT feel anything negative? It just goes to show that everyone is different, and I’m glad I just trusted myself, who was telling me for years and years, it’s not you. It’s not your story, to have kids.
So, there you go. Those are the two things that have just been burning me out, in a way, as I’ve been trying to keep up with both. This weekend was the first time in six months that I actually felt relief, like I could take a break and rest. REST. And, I remembered how important I made taking a break, turning it off, taking a REST when I was getting sober–it was my key to staying sober for a longer term.
Rest–essential. Take a break–essential. Turn it off. Let it go. All essential.
And, while you’re finally resting, you are able to clearly see just how much work you’ve put in, and how much you’ve accomplished; and you can finally step back and say, wow, good job. You did it. You are DOING IT.
So, to all the mamas out there who are getting sober, and all the non-mamas out there who are getting sober: Rest, and know that you did it. You’re doing it. And you’re awesome. (No one is going to tell you that, especially as you forge your path of long-term sobriety; so it’s up to you to honor and congratulate yourself with love, treats, and rest–whenever and wherever and however often you need them.)
Drunky Drunk Girl 