Sober and feeling…”life”ly

1 Sep

8:15 pm

I could write a book here, but I won’t. Lately, I haven’t had much patience for media, in general; social media, in particular. That’s mainly because I do it all day long as a journalist–and when I’m not doing it, I’m thinking about how rejuvenating it would be to not have to check email and Facebook and my phone (and the news) ever again. BUT…as a writer, it’s a must, so I’ve learned to do it in moderation and put it away when it starts to make me want to hyperventilate. Too Much Information–time to Turn It Off.

So, I’ve been minimally blogging. Not that stuff hasn’t been going down: job interviews (’nuff said), and my interviews of people for stories that I’ve been working on, and in general, stressing about my income. What else is news? 😉

There has also been lots of dog walks, and runs, and beach swims, and snorkels…and, sort of continuing work on changing my diet (I had help in revising my tastes when I was on my volun-tour vacation, but I digress). I like my new diet, and frankly, I like having lost almost 15 pounds of “sugar” weight. The hard part of keeping it off in the face of mood swings and stress is there, and always will be; but I learned one thing: get out of the sugar-as-treat mentality as soon as you can after getting sober.

I think I’ve managed to get out of my depression after six long weeks of it. Bizarre. I’ve worked and lived as usual, but…it’s been hard. Maybe it wasn’t exactly depression, maybe it was just post-vacation blues. Or, maybe it was realizing that now, I really have to Work. Like, move-and-find-a-real-job work. It may also be related to coming back to a place that simply does not serve some big parts of myself. Or, it could be linked to the chronic pain I still have from the mosquito-borne illness I got while abroad–I read some studies matching this chronic pain to depression. It has been a very weird up-and-down ride since getting home (and I’m used to depression). I’m hoping once I’m working full-time again, and settled into a new “thing”–getting past the hump of just pulling the trigger on one possibility–things will look up.

I’ve wanted to drink a LOT these past few weeks–more than ever, or at least more than I’ve wanted to drink in the past year. I just feel like I have no reward–especially after parsing so much information on a daily basis. I need a break. A real treat, you know? But, I don’t drink. I can’t. I can’t be sure that I won’t immediately again start associating wine with reward, or wine with fixing my state of mind; and I know how simply exhausting this is. So, status quo, just don’t drink, it’s all good.

On that note, apparently my Labor Day weekend is over–I have some reporting and writing to do now!

Hope everyone is plugging away–it is worth it, it so very much is. Sometimes, I can’t believe how far I’ve come. And how much less I think, in general, about things that don’t matter. More on that in another post!

6 Responses to “Sober and feeling…”life”ly”

  1. lucy2610 September 2, 2014 at 5:36 am #

    DDG I’m coming up on a year sober and want to tackle sugar next as I seemed to have replaced one with another too! I worry though that, like you said, the feeling of no reward in life will destabilise my mood and then challenge my sobriety. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  2. ainsobriety September 2, 2014 at 12:41 pm #

    Wine won’t be the reward you want. It will only make your depression worse.

    I’m not sure I agree with the get rid of sugar requirement. If a person can use treats as a positive and it doesn’t become a compulsive, self defeating problem, then a little sugar has got to be worth feeling good and staying sober.

    But that’s just me.


  3. freebreezi September 2, 2014 at 4:04 pm #

    from the reading online I’ve been doing lately the sugar addiction seems to be the current theme. Quite surprised me as I am doing major struggle and suddenly it was out there that others are to. always something to challenge us to grow and change…………

  4. carrythemessage September 3, 2014 at 9:39 am #

    Sugar was a struggle and challenge for me for the first two and a half years. I certainly didn’t moderate it. I went back and forth with binges and abstaining. I once went about 4-5 months without it and I have to say it was great, even with the occassional craving. I lost about 20 lbs just from sugar removal. No exercising, no other stuff. Just removing sugar from my diet. Amazing.

    I find that I can moderate it now. I have my moments where I have that second piece of whatever, but I am careful how I approach it. It was easy for me to load up my gym bag with chocolate bars “just in case”. Ha ha…sound familiar? I would get worried if I didn’t have my stockpile. So I watch for that – it’s not the sugar that is a problem, it’s the intention and motives behind it. Like everything else.

    Wishing you luck in your job search!


    • Drunky Drunk Girl September 3, 2014 at 5:13 pm #

      Haha–“just in case.” I found myself doing that with Diet Coke. YES, exactly: it’s not the sugar, but the motivation behind it. I have found that just getting rid of it completely is what has helped–sound familiar? Just starting on the DC and the sweets, it affects my body and brain (I feel “behind” again, guilty, etc.). Hopefully one day I won’t want to eat the entire half gallon of ice cream! Thank you, Paul–you rock! 🙂

  5. Lisa Neumann September 8, 2014 at 1:03 pm #

    I relate to all of it. I am always grateful when the depression/low lifts. Life is tough. Period. I am just back from a long hiatus and I see that I will do this every year for the month. (I loved the post on social media too.) Your direction is affirming in a most realistic demeanor. Thanks for the reminder that a lot of what I think about doesn’t matter. Wasted energy that could be applied somewhere else or … I can simply take a nap. xo L.

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